My mom is the middle child of three sisters. She was born in Pereira, Colombia in 1969. She grew up being the “ugly duckling” and “black sheep” (as I’ve been called plenty of times in my life) of the family. She was very thin and not a very pretty face, she has always been an obsessive cleaner so naturally when young, if the other two were not helping she would tattle, and etc. The relationship between my aunts was better than either of them with my mom so I’ve concluded this contributed to my mom’s resentment.
When they were very young, I want to say around age 4-5, my grandmother left to Spain to try and find a better life for them. During this time, my grandfather took advantage of my aunts in ways I will not disclose for obvious reasons. But never my mom.. she wasn’t abused at all. Not by my grandfather at least.
When my grandfather heard word that my grandma was coming back he kidnapped all three of them and took them far to some farm in the middle of nowhere and told them that my grandmother had passed. During their time at the farm, the workers there would also inappropriately touch all three girls and when the oldest complained, my grandfather just told her, “We are not paying them for letting us stay here so there’s nothing we can do.”
I’m not exactly sure how things played out after that but I do know that my grandmother came back from Spain and I think they were back at their old place when she knocked on the door. The girls came to the door and had NO idea who this woman was, as they believed their mother had been dead. It was traumatic, I’m sure. Again, a little confused on the chronological order of things but they were also sent to a boarding school run by nuns where they lived under extreme watch and discipline.
When in their teens I think things were a little more normal for them. But here’s the strange part..
My mother, to this day, says that my grandmother abandoned them and that my grandfather was trying to keep them safe, while my aunts both agree that he kidnapped them and my grandmother was only trying to look out for them.
Through thinking deeply and reflecting upon all three of their behavior now as adults, it is safe to say that all three of them have psychological trauma they have to deal with but are not aware of.
My mom is constantly making herself the victim in ALL situations, she has abandonment/dependency issues. She is dramatic, she has a potty mouth, and is still in denial about a lot of things. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, she just doesn’t know how to play with the cards she has been dealt. As is the case with most, of course. I think she needs to come to terms with what really happened in her childhood and stop feeling resentment towards anyone, and cut out that selfish mentality, “I was born alone and I’ll die alone,” she would repeat to me over and over during my entire life.
She has had some suicide attempts and physical altercations with her current husband. She would discipline me as a child, very often. She used a leather belt she hung on a nail by the door. She used to hit my dad and scratch him up, break his stuff, throw things at him, but he never hit her back. Never, ever.. I respect him for that, I don’t think I’d have the patience to put up with it. But my dad… he did have it coming. I am not saying anyone deserves that treatment but with the things he did, I understand how she would flip. But that’s my fathers’ story….
Raising me she was very great.. She would show me copious amounts of love at all times besides when she would hit me with the belt. She made delicious food, and had super fun activities. If I had friends over she’d order pizza and go out and buy chips and soda, even on a weekday! She would plan sleepovers at my house and she’d have games, and scary stories, she’d do our make up, and have food! It was amazing.. She let me dress how I wanted (not slutty of course lol) and listen to the music I wanted and be whoever I wanted to be. We would do arts and crafts and go to the park and skate or ride bike together. She would sit with me every day to do homework and if it was getting late she’d send me to bed and finish it for me. She was just, wow!
Then came 2004 when she decided to go to Colombia to renew all her paperwork to be able to become an american citizen. We left and the process took longer than it should have, we stayed in Colombia for about 8 months. From there we went straight to Spain to renew the rest of my paperwork and I hated it there. After about 9 months of living there, in June 2005, I came back to United States and was the last time I ever saw her. I haven’t seen her since, and at first it was very hard, but you get used to it. We are creatures of habit. Up until recently I thought I was okay but.. once I tell you my parents’ story in raising me, maybe things will make sense. I had an emotional breakdown two days ago and my entire identity shattered before my eyes.
My mother now lives in Colombia with her husband and two kids. They own a two floor, brand new house with 4 rooms and 2 bathrooms. They have a business, and also own a place in Spain. But somehow, she doesn’t have any money and isn’t exactly happy. I don’t understand the lack of gratitude she demonstrates, time and time again.
But I HAVE TO understand. Or else I will never resolve my childhood issues either. I have to understand those who hurt me to relieve myself of the pain they caused.
This is the end of my mothers’ story.